Bon Qui Qui

If you haven’t met Bon Qui Qui, definitely visit her at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZkdcYlOn5M before you read this post.

There truly are reasons why people go postal....after sending close to 100 letters and packages to Andy I consider myself an expert on mailing items to Africa – so don’t cross me or try and fool me about the process involved in sending mail to a third world country.

Andy’s mail situation is far from ideal. Peace Corps volunteers LIVE for their mail. Anything from home that lets them know people are thinking about them is so important to them. Sometimes their mail is literally what gets them through a day. So picture me, the frantic mother who isn’t crazy about her son being in Africa in the first place, dealing with desperate calls from her son requesting various items needed for his security and sustainability (food) and trying to ship those items to him knowing that they may or may not arrive.

It’s a mother’s job to do WHATEVER it takes to protect her children no matter where they are or what circumstances they are facing. So when my son sends his requests for supplies, I do everything within my power to get him what he needs in a timely manner knowing the mail will take six to eight weeks to get to him. Unfortunately, for some reason he stopped getting his mail (letters and boxes with supplies)for several months. This was beyond frustrating to both he and I. Even though he was not getting any mail I continued to shop, pack, and ship boxes to him hoping that eventually something would get to him. Luckily, the mail issues are resolved and he is getting mail regularly again.

I headed to the P.O. this week to ship a box of supplies and as I entered the building I began assessing the postal clerks to determine which one was my best chance at expeditiously processing my package. I was the only person in line (which is typically unheard of) and of the available two clerks, one was helping the only other customer in the building and the other one was pretending not to notice that I was standing in line.

As Miss I Don't See A Customer Standing In Line busied herself with stacking envelopes and moving papers around I began to "take in" her appearance. She was wearing a gold lame’ bandana with a navy blue Dr. Seuss hat on top of the bandana. Who the *$%& does that? Did her supervisor not notice how stupid she looked? I’m pretty sure her headwear isn’t even close to normal U.S. Postal Service regulation uniform attire. Seriously, did she look in the mirror before she left her house? Or better yet, don’t employees have to wash their hands before returning to work? Guess what – there’s a MIRROR in the bathroom. Use it!!

Sudden dread set in.... this was so NOT the person I wanted waiting on me. However, the clerk with the customer was pissed that Miss I Don't See A Customer Standing In Line was not helping me that she decided to take extra long with her customer. Somehow, I began to find humor in the situation and realized Bon Qui Qui must be moonlighting from King Burger this week and working at the P.O. Either that or there was a high possibility I was being Punk’d.

FINALLY, Bon Qui Qui removed her finger from her nose and asked me to step to her counter. I gave her the box and paperwork and could tell instantly that she didn’t have a clue what to do with it. First, she asked me what the zip code in Africa is. HELLO? Bon Qui Qui, YOU work at the Post Office, not me. You should know how to confirm that Ghana, Africa doesn’t have a zip code! And, if you don’t know that, punch it in the computer! I opted to politely tell her Ghana does not have a zip code.

She started punching a few keys on the computer then she punched the back key. She kept repeating this process multiple times. Then she started reading some sort of instruction manual. Then she called someone. Then she punched a few keys on the computer. Then she punched the back key several times. Then she apologized about not knowing how the “new system that Customs just implemented" worked. She tried to explain that Customs changed the way the Post Office accepts, tracks, and ships international packages. I politely explained that I’ve never had this problem before and didn’t understand why there is a problem and why it was taking so long to get my package processed.

Side note: It doesn’t matter what I ship to Andy – the description is always the same: books, magazines, and snacks (people like me are probably causing Customs to re-evaluate their procedures). Bon Qui Qui is asking me exactly what kinds of snacks, how many, how much do they weigh, how many books, how much do they weigh, how many magazines, how much do they weigh. Blah, blah, blah. WHO CARES? It’s a flat rate box! I can ship whatever I want as long as it doesn’t weigh more than 20 pounds for a flat fee. Don’t go changing the rules on me now - I'm an expert. I told her I had no idea how much a cup of Jell-O or a bag of pretzels weighed (ha ha so not in the box). I told her to make something up. By now I was 25 minutes into a process that normally takes less than ten minutes to complete. Bon Qui Qui punched a few more keys on the computer, hit the back key a few more times, apologized more, and made another phone call. At this point I am screaming in my head “saacuurity….saacuurity…remove this person before I cuuutt her”.

I begin to have a very blunt conversation with myself to remain cool, calm, and collected. I can feel my blood pressure rising and I know I don’t have long before I turn into the Incredible Hulkette and unleash on Bon Qui Qui. I just kept thinking “how did she pass the Mail Sorting and Zip Code test”!?! - Ha Ha she didn't, see above about the Ghana zip code. She HAS to be a temp.!!! Surely someone this inept wasn’t hired by our government to handle and process our mail.

I proceed to explain to her that I mail packages to Africa a couple times a month and have NEVER run into any problems like this and just don’t understand what the issue is. She keeps blaming the new Customs procedures. Finally, her supervisor comes up front and I mistakenly think great – now the package will get entered in the computer and I will be on my way.

NO, the supervisor just stands there. In fact, she offered no assistance whatsoever. No wonder she didn’t say anything about the gold lame’ bandana and Dr. Seuss hat Bon Qui Qui was wearing because apparently she can’t speak. I am now 35 minutes into this process (by the way, the other clerk was still waiting on her original customer and a line from hell had formed out the door). As calmly as I could, I finally said “I mean no disrespect however, I am losing confidence this package will get where it needs to go and it is very important to me that it does, so I will just take it to another Post Office and have them ship it”.

With that, the supervisor miraculously found her voice and tried to assure me that this was a new process and that I could leave the package with them and they would make sure to complete the paperwork and mail it for me. You’re kidding, right??? I’m supposed to have confidence that you are going to properly mail my package when it’s obvious that neither you or Bon Qui Qui have a clue about what you are doing??? NOT!!!!

As I leaned over the counter to pick up the box Bon Qui Qui started shakin’ her head from shoulder to shoulder and mouthin’ off that I was not listening to what she was trying to explain to me and that I’m was being ruudde to her. Blah blah blah. It was all I could do to keep from slapping that stupid Dr. Seuss hat off her head. Postal workers beware: Don’t mess with a momma on a mission to take care of her kid.