The History

This opening blog is rather long; however, the journey I am about to share will mean nothing without "the history"…..

It all started 24 years ago with the birth of Andrew Wayne Head….the first male born on my side of the family in 46 years and who rounded out five generations.

Andy is blessed with a magnetic charisma, a wonderful sense of humor, a determination to succeed, a willingness to please, and a natural ability to make everyone around him feel special. People of all ages gravitate to him. Being presented the "Most Considerate" award by his eighth grade peers pretty much sums up his genuine interest and compassion for those around him - including family, friends, teachers, and complete strangers.

Growing up Andy gave several sports a try. Soccer, T-Ball, baseball, wrestling, track, and football. I was proud of his efforts because Andy had this invisible comfort circle around him that he didn’t like to step out of. It didn’t matter how hard I suggested (AKA pushed) he had his limit and wouldn’t budge out of that circle. The sport that held his heart the most was “instructional basketball”. It was a split team of “normal" kids and special needs kids. The philosophy was for the “normal” kids to teach and mentor the special needs kids in social skills and athletics. Andy so enjoyed being a part of this special group of athletes that he decided to pass on the family spring break vacation to Florida and go with his teammates to their state championship playoff game in Indianapolis.

Andy's real passion, writing stories and making movies, started early in life. Because of this interest I tried (AKA pushed really hard) to get him involved in theater in middle school. My mother’s intuition said that with his love of writing and “producing” he would be good at theater and enjoy it. Even if it was behind the scenes working on props …… a mother just knows. Again, there was that invisible comfort circle around Andy that he didn’t want to step out of to try something new. He had his comfort level and wouldn’t budge. No to theater.

Struggling to make sure Andy kept involved and active over the summer school break I enrolled him and his sister in a week long church camp – OMG! Rebellion kicked in and both kids refused to go to camp (I’m sure his sister, the social butterfly, was very excited about attending camp where she would spend a week making a bunch of new friends, but being a loyal baby sister she always sided with her big bub). So neither packed, neither looked forward to the camp, and neither had any intension of going to camp. The night before we were to leave, I was packing two kids for a week long church camp. I woke them up Saturday morning (they both conveniently forgot to set their alarms), force fed them breakfast, and packed them in the car - kicking and screaming (okay sulking and pouting). Camp was an hour away and neither of them said a word to me all the way. A week later when I went to pick them up – guess what - they didn’t want to come home. They both had a tremendous experience and chatted all the way home about what fun they had and friends they made. They both continued to attend summer church camp every year thereafter for several years. In fact, Andy eventually became a camp counselor. (This is a little side story about how smart mothers are and will feed into the rest of this blog where I eventually get to eat my words about being a smart mom).

Following my motto of reach for the stars, experience life …. do something you’ve never done before…. get involved….. follow a cause… I continued to push, push, push, nag, nag, nag Andy when he started high school. “It will go fast. You should get involved. Try something new”. I was still on the theater kick and didn’t get very far UNTIL Andy’s sophomore year when he fell head over heels in love with a junior – WHO WAS INVOLVED IN THEATER!!!!! (Side note – moms at this point don’t know shit, but girlfriends are the smartest thing ever.) He jumped into theater with both feet (literally) and tapped danced his way through "You're a Grand Ole Flag" in "George M". By the time he graduated high school, he wrote and directed a play, had parts in several others, and had the lead in two. So there is my kid, the one who won’t step out of his comfort circle, performing on a stage in front of tons of people and loving every minute of it.

Okay back to the nag, nag, nag, push, push, push thing. I thought it was important that Andy go away to college and someplace that wasn’t a convenient drive home. Since he was the first person on my side of the family to attend college and knowing that for him to get the full experience he had to ….you guessed it….. GET OUT OF HIS COMFORT CIRCLE. So God love him, starting his Junior year, he spent countless hours reading books containing “everything you need to know” about universities and colleges. After narrowing his search to eight schools his dad and I divided up the campuses and off we went for visits.

Andy decided to study Theater (go figure – mom’s are always right – refer back to comments about church camp if you don’t believe me) at Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois (five hours from home). It was a very good choice for him. A small private Division I school with a very strong Theater Department. He immediately immersed himself at college and wrote a play that was voted on by a committee of theater professors to be produced, he acted in several productions, had the lead in "The Night of the Iguana" his senior year, and managed several productions. During summers he interned for the University of Illinois Theatre Department in Champaign. Needless to say, I puffed up proud as a peacock at all of his accomplishments.

Something begins to happen in college. All of a sudden that comfort circle was disappearing. He was comfortable being away from home, decided to study in London, England for a semester, and pursue a volunteer opportunity with the Peace Corps. So what do I say to my son (who worked his butt off and graduated college with honors in 3 ½ years, who worked so hard to make me proud of him, to make the right decisions, do the right thing, and be the best person he could be) about his thoughts on the Peace Corps? I wanted to scream – NO, get a job and start your career. If you want to volunteer and help out your fellow man, stay in the states - there are tons of causes where you can make an impact. Why do you have to go so far away? (This is where I start eating my words about pushing him out of his comfort circle). I chastised myself. It’s my fault…I pushed too hard…I nagged too much… I dragged him to my board and committee meetings… made him volunteer at all the events I was involved in….. The Peace Corps…. Seriousily??? He had so much passion inside of him about his decision and believed so strongly that's what he wanted to do. HOWEVER, (only west-siders will get this one): He wasn’t supposed to join the Peace Corps....

He was supposed to:
Graduate from Reitz
Go to college
Get married (to a west-sider)
Have babies
Buy a home (on the west-side)
Send his kids to Reitz
Period – not move half way around the world!

Andy wouldn’t give up. He was determined. The Peace Corps was calling and he wanted it. He immersed himself completely in pursuing his dream of being a Peace Corps volunteer. He faced tons of criticism and negative comments from his family about his decision and he never wavered one time from it. I was frantic. I'm the mother – I know best (remember church camp and theater). He wasn’t listening. Andy was full steam ahead with a plethora of paperwork, learning a new language, preparing mentally and physically for the adventure ahead and no one was talking him out of it. At 23 I was giving birth to him. At 23 he was leaving my nest and heading in his own direction. (Was I ever cussing myself for every time I pushed him to step out of his comfort circle).

As I began to ease into Andy leaving for 2 ½ years (not really - it was bad pretending) the only consolation to me was he was assigned in the Caribbean. Sweet. I could cruise to his port or drive to St. Louis and hop a plane and see him in about six hours. I was settling into vacationing a couple of times a year on beautiful beaches, enjoying warm breezy days, and fancy drinks with umbrellas. Okay, maybe this Peace Corps thing wasn’t so bad.

About a month before Andy was to leave for the beautiful Caribbean he stopped by my office one afternoon. I could tell instantly by the look on his face I was not going to like what he had to tell me. He wanted to know if we could talk. I grabbed a box of Kleenex and sat down with him anticipating his news. As he delivered the words I fought back the tears, tried to swallow the knot in my throat, and picked my heart up from my toes and put it back in my chest. The words coming out of his mouth were “The Peace Corps called. They have re-assigned me. I’m not going to the Caribbean. I’m going to Africa”.

At this point my mind is spinning. AFFREAKINGA!!! Not six hours away from St. Louis or a pleasant cruise away, but 21 hours in flight and 14 hours on a bus. Are you serious? My world turned upside down. I could have hurled on his shoes. I knew that when my son left his hometown for Africa I would not see him for 2 ½ years. (Why? Because, I DON'T STEP OUT OF MY COMFORT CIRCLE to spend 21 hours on an airplane and 14 hours on a bus and crap in a hole in the ground)! OMG the panic set in. He had no idea what type of communication we would have – assumed no cell phone or internet access and just hoped for snail mail. Someone please wake me from my nightmare.

So how did a woman who has never flown for more five hours or traveled further than Aruba decide to travel 21 hours on an airplane and 14 hours on a bus (not a Greyhound with air conditioning, but a bus with no windows, livestock in the aisles, and more humans crammed into a small space than the Hadi Funster’s car) to visit her son in Africa? Because leaving your kid five hours from home his freshman year in college without a car and not knowing a soul on campus or in the town he would be living in ISN’T EVEN IN THE SAME LEAGUE as watching your kid walk through the airport, down the escalator across the tarmac, up the loading stairs, and disappear into an airplane that would deliver him half way across the world in Africa.

When they shut the door to the plane I looked at his dad (my ex-husband) and said “I've changed my mind. I can’t make it 2 ½ years without seeing him - get me a ticket I am going to Africa with you”.

At the time of this posting Andy has been in Ghana for 13 months and here I am nine immunizations later, passport in place, airplane ticket purchased, Ghanaian visa approved, and ten weeks from departure on my African Adventure with my ex-husband (who swears he bought me a round trip ticket not a one way ticket) and our 21 year old daughter. The fancy drinks with umbrellas were replaced with….. no toilets, no electricity, bathing in a bucket, self purified water, unidentifiable food, and bats, rats, and lizards sharing our sleeping quarters.

It’s been a long 13 months and there are only ten weeks to go – as Andy likes to remind me – “Mom, it’s an adventure not a vacation”. No shit honey.

I’ve started packing:

. Prozac (will need for ex)
. Ear plugs (will need for ex)
. Sleeping pills (will need for dreaded plane trip and gawd awful bus trip)
. Hydroxyzine (for shits and giggles when I want to behead someone who doesn't understand about times and schedules - which probably accounts for just about everyone in Africa)
. Migraine medicine (for when all of the above don’t work)

Andy – I just want to say thank you… Since you’ve been gone, I’ve learned to Skype (no, not from Oprah), joined Facebook, designed a blog, walked a half marathon, and bought an airplane ticket to Africa. Funny how things change – now I’m the one being pushed out of my comfort circle.